Chasing a Rainbow
by Capeche
Summary: Olivia's focus on self-care and work improved since she chose herself over Fitz and Jake but she did not bargain for the loneliness that enveloped her. Will she renege on her decision?
1. Chapter 1-What Just Happened?

**This is an Olake focused story. There are so many Olitz ones and I wanted to do something on the other side. Obviously, I don't own Scandal but I love the show and most of the characters, so there it is.**

**What Just Happened?**

"I know I have never told you this before Jake but I love you." Olivia said as she removed the Gettysburger sandwiches from the oven.

"Olivia, I…" Jake sputtered as he listened in disbelief to words he never thought he would hear from Olivia.

"Wait, Jake, let me finish… The night my father let you out of the hole and you collapsed in my doorway, I knew."

Jake moved towards Olivia and tried to hug her but she pulled away and continued talking. "The trouble is I love Fitz too and this is why I am not choosing either of you. I am choosing me"

Jake backed away from Olivia with a jolt as though he was struck by lightning. "Olivia has to be joking," Jake thought to himself but after a few minutes passed and she did not retract her statement about loving Fitz too, he realized she meant every word.

"Let's eat, Jake." Olivia said as she placed white napkins on the table.

Still stunned, Jake walked over to the table and sat directly across from Olivia who was pouring herself a glass of Du Bellay. "I'm not hungry, Olivia. I want to…" Before Jake could finish, Olivia cut him off. "C'mon Jake, eat…and breathe."

Jake picked up his beer, took a sip and stared directly at Olivia who hadn't touched her food either. There were so many different emotions permeating his body and he felt as though his lungs were closing. He took a deep breath and tried to speak to Olivia but before he could get a word out her phone rang and she grabbed it.

"Yes, I'm okay but I can't stay on the phone. Not a good time. I have to go." Olivia put the phone down, looked at Jakes and saw the hurt in his eyes but decided to ignore it.

After a few seconds Jake broke the silence: "Look, Olivia, after losing Imani and the baby in South Armenistan, I never thought I could love again but meeting you changed that. I will back off and give you all the space you need to focus on you but I cannot share you with Fitz or any other man."

Olivia remained silent as Jake continued. "If you want Vermont with Fitz, I'm afraid you and I can't stand in the sun together"

Olivia walked over to Jake, leaned on his chair and put her arms around his neck. She held him super close like she had done so many times before but that did not soothe the sting that pierced his heart

Jake looked at his unfinished beer and then at the now cold Gettysburger sandwich before releasing himself from Olivia's grip. He stood up, gently ran his had across her cheek and said, "I will always love you Liv. Remember that" He then gave her a quick hug before grabbing his jacket from the coat rack.

"Goodbye, Olivia," he said as he exited her apartment without as much as a backwards glance as he did not want her to see the tears.

Olivia knew that Jake would be hurt by her proclamation but she was proud that she was able to stand in her truth and articulate her true feelings. She had thought about this long and hard and was convinced she had done the right thing.


	2. Chapter 2 - A New Assignment

"Good morning Captain Ballard."

"Morning April." Jake could tell whether his secretary was just saying a casual hello or something more. After all she'd been around for a while and he was trained to read people.

"Your meeting with General Lawrence and the others was moved up to 10AM in the East Room, sir."

"Thank you April. Did you get the package?"

"It is in the safe. It came in by private courier as you requested."

As April exited his office, Jake ran the safe combination and pulled out a large square envelope. He surveyed it and was pleased to see that both sides were blank and also that it was not tampered with.

"This envelope should have everything I need to free myself from the wretched B-613" Jake thought as he pried it open and began pulling out page after page of information. He was bent on being thorough because every word was meant something.

Jake stared at the document and grimaced. He went over the information as though he was reading about someone else:

"Jake Ballard. Indiana. Living family member: Terry Ballard (mother). Subject is a prime candidate for B-613 operations."

Jake leaned back in his chair, closed his eyes and thought about his mother, his dead sister and his lost childhood. He had made so much effort to forgive his mother but she never tried to meet him halfway. She was always angry but he did not fault her because she had a horrible life, which made her very bitter. He opened his eyes, sighed and attempted to delve further into the document.

"The meeting is in seven minutes, Captain" April said as she peeked through his office door.

Jake placed the documents inside the envelope, returned it to the safe and changed the combination before making his way to the East Room.

Everyone was already seated when he entered the room. He saluted and was directed to a chair next to the C.I.A Director.

"Captain Ballard, I asked you here to discuss a top-level operation I want you to helm. You will leave for South Armenistan in two days to lead a stealth team on a top level assignment."

"Glad to serve my country, sir." Jake said with great enthusiasm.

General Lawrence who seated at the head of the table walked over to the map wall and began a comprehensive briefing on logistics and the overall operational mission strategies.

"Captain Ballard, I will send you full dossiers on the targets in an hour and I will meet with you later on to discuss any last minute questions you might have," General said. This signaled the end of the meeting and Jake hurried back to his office.

As a Navy man, Jake knew he would have to prioritize South Armenistan. This meant that he had to shelf his B-613 escape plan for a while longer and pray to all that's holy that his new assignment didn't keep him away too long.


	3. Chapter 3 - Alone is a Lonely Place

**Alone Is A Lonely Place**

Jake was so focused on his upcoming trip that he almost didn't hear his cell phone buzzing. It was not on his desk and he soon realized that it was in his briefcase so he fished it out as fast as he could.

"Hi Liv."

"Jake, how are you?"

"I am very good. What is it Liv?"

"Take me to the Correspondence Dinner on Saturday?"

"Bad timing, Liv. I have work"

"Are you sure you're not just trying to avoid me, Jake?"

"I am really sorry I can't accompany you, Liv. Hope you have a great time though."

"Bye, Jake."

Olivia was disappointed that Jake wouldn't take her to the dinner. She missed him a lot more than she thought she would. She missed the friendly banter; the easy laughter; the safe space and the intimacy they once shared. As far as Olivia could tell, Jake had moved on.

Things weren't going well on the Fitz front either. Their communication was limited to a few phone calls because he was very busy using back channels to free hostages in West Somalia and South Armenistan. He was also taking care of the First lady who had suffered a miscarriage and was in a deep depression.

"I am beginning to feel very lonely" Olivia though to herself. "But you chose you, remember?" said the tiny voice in her head as she kicked off her shoes and laid across her bed. She finally closed her eyes and drifted off.

"I love you, Olivia" Jake said as he held her from behind. His warm tongue kissing the side of her neck was intoxicating and it made her want him more.

"Jake…" she whispered as he turned her around and slid his tongue inside her mouth and kissed her deeply. Olivia pulled him closed and ran her hands through his hair and then down his back.

"Mmmm" Jake moaned as he began kissing her breasts while his hand trailed past her stomach, settled on her spot and began rubbing it in a circular motion. As Olivia let out a moan Jake gently put two fingers inside her without breaking their kiss. "Ohhh, Jake. Please…"

Olivia was jolted out of her reverie by a loud knock on her door. Her eyes fluttered open and she looked around but there was no Jake. She soon realized she was dreaming. She heard the knock again, got up and smoothed out her clothes and hair before looking through the peephole and opening the door.


	4. Chapter 4 -Because I Love You

**Because I Love You**

"You look surprised to see me, Olivia. Were you expecting someone else?"

"I wasn't expecting anyone," Olivia said dryly. "What do you want, dad?"

"Can't I visit my daughter without conditions?" Rowan asked as he handed her a bottle of Du Bellay.

"When have you every visited me without some kind of motive?" Olivia asked as she made her way to the kitchen to get two glasses.

"Correspondence Dinner on Saturday, Olivia. Jake's you?" Rowan asked.

"My father cares about my social life, I see." Olivia said flatly while looking at him inquiringly.

"That's not a question." Rowan said with a chuckle.

"I don't have a question for you and I am not going. I just find it a bit odd that you concern yourself so much with what Jake and I are doing or not doing. That's all."

"Olivia, I am a concerned father, I love you and want to see you happy. Nothing more." With that, Rowan exited Liv's apartment.

"Well, Olivia doesn't seem to know about Jake's trip on Saturday, so I guess he didn't feed her that information" Rowan surmised. He wondered if she knew anything about recently files downloaded from B-613. He would get into that a bit later.


	5. Chapter 5 - In Flight

**In-Flight**

Jake's alarm went off at 5:30AM and he got out of bed immediately. He showered, got dressed, had coffee and waited for his ride to show up. He had spent the two day going over dossiers, combing over maps and done everything else required to ensure that the mission had a successful outcome.

His ride was on time. As he entered the black SUV, his driver handed him a briefcase, nodded at him and in a split second, they were on their way to the airbase. In under an hour, Jake would be on his way to South Armenistan.

He did not want to think of Olivia but he had no choice in the matter. She had his heart. He was disappointed that she did not commit to him exclusively but at the same time, he did not give up hope that they would eventually be together if he survived this dangerous assignment.

He knew she thought he was being petulant why he said no to the dinner, but his mission was classified so he couldn't tell her anything. He was also relieved that he would not be in the same room with Fitz.

Jake opened his briefcase and pulled out an envelope marked Operation: Amazon-T3 and went over the instructions carefully. He knew the stakes were very high and one mistake could compromise hundreds of people and end lives including his own.

He was chosen for the mission because he was familiar with the South Armenistan landscape, knew the language; he had nerves of steel and always got the job done. He was good at his job. He was the best they had for such a surgical mission.

It would be another 21 hours before his arrival at the Base, so he put away his briefcase, leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes. He had not gone back overseas since the tragedy. He had hoped he would never have to go back to the zone but here he was; on his way to a region that could bring up old ghosts he would rather stay buried.

The buzzing of his phone brought him back to the present.

"Liv."

"Hi Jake, did I wake you?"

"No, what's up?"

It was 8AM on a Saturday morning and Jake wondered why Liv was calling him so early. He hoped everything was okay with her.

"Jake, I just… had this dream yesterday…Never mind, I just wanted to say hi."

"I am glad you called, Liv. What was the dream about?"

"It was nothing…the dream was nothing. I just want to tell you it's okay that you can't make it to the dinner, Jake."

"You sound so far away. Jake, are you okay?"

"I'm great, Liv. See you soon."

After they hung up, Jake went back to his resting position and vowed to himself that no matter what, he would make it back alive….For Liv. For both of them.

**(Hahaha – ****Armenistan? Where's that). Also this is my first story and I am just winging it.**


	6. Chapter 6 - You Did What, Abby?

**You Did What, Abby?**

"Abby, it is 8:15AM on a Saturday. Why are you calling me?"

"Liv, want to meet for brunch later?"

"I don't know. I'm a bit tired." Liv was thinking about her dream; her time on the Island with Jake and she just wanted time with her thoughts.

"Liv?"

"Okay Abby, lets meet at 11:30 at the French bistro in Adam Marks. It's time I start doing fun stuff again" After they hung up Liv pulled the covers and closed her eyes. It was good that she made plans with Abby. She needed to get out there and be with people who were not Jake or Fitz. It was the whole point of choosing herself.

Liv and Abby arrived at the Bistro around the same time, got a table immediately and ordered coffee. Liv looked at Abby, noticed that she was in a contemplative mood and went straight into fixing mode.

"Abby, you spend Saturdays with David. I don't mean to pry, but is everything okay?"

"David isn't talking to me, liv I slept with Leo Bergen and David found out and now he is avoiding me like the plague. Abby said with a hint of fear and uncertainty in her voice.

"Abby!" Liv looked at her with a shocked expression. "How did that happen?"

"I like him, Liv. Leo makes me laugh and I am so relaxed around him. I have strong feelings for David too. It's confusing, right?"

Liv held Abby's hands in support but did not draw reference to herself even though she was pretty much in the same position.

"Abby, don't make any snap decisions. You might want to take a break from both of them and spend some time thinking about what's right for you. I am always here for you if you want to talk."

"Does that work for you, Liv?" Abby said without taking her eyes off her friend

"Yes, Abby, it does." Changing the subject quickly, Liv said, "we're brunching, so let's eat. Ok."

After brunch, Abby went home and Olivia dropped by OPA to catch up on a few loose ends. She'd just sat down at her desk when her phone rang.

**(Heh! So not to be outdone, Abby has two lovers like all the other women on Scandal)**


	7. Chapter 7 - It's Gonna Be Great!

**It's Gonna Be Great!**

"You should be rehearsing your jokes." Olivia said to Fitz. "Why are you calling me?"

"I miss you. Are you coming tonight?"

"No." Olivia said.

"No?" Fitz asked in disbelief. "Don't do this, Liv."

"Sorry, Fitz but I don't think it's a good idea for me to show up alone."

"Bring your 'boyfriend' with you then," Fitz countered. He was one of a handful of people who knew that Jake was out of the country thus couldn't accompany Olivia. He was just trying to get Olivia to debunk the 'boyfriend' title that Jake had assumed as of late.

"Fitz, you'll be great at the dinner. Just be with Mellie and support her. I don't have to be at every one of these affairs."

"Bye, Liv. Thanks for always helping me with my jokes. I don't know what I would do without you" Olivia gave a smirk, hung up and turned on her computer.

She had been keeping a great distance from the White House to focus on herself. Mellie's miscarriage helped her make that decision. She had not seen Fitz since she helped out with Karen over three weeks ago when Mellie chased her from the premises.

The truth was that Olivia had grown tired of the drama with Mellie. She was also very sympathetic towards Mellie who was suffering from deep depression over the loss of her child. Fitz needed to be with his wife mentally and physically and Olivia was determined to make sure that happened.

Olivia walked over to her safe to retrieve a file ad noticed Huck moving about in his office.

"What are you doing here on a Saturday, Huck?"

"Liv, I just wanted to finish up on the Lassiter thing. I picked up something on the scanner and just wanted to do some updates in the system. Just some numbers and codes I have to figure out."

"Ok, Huck, let me know if anything interesting happens"

Olivia thanked her lucky stars for such dedicated associates as she walked back to her office and worked way into the night.


	8. Chapter 8 - It Is Sunday, Remember?

**It's Sunday, remember?**

Rowan opened the door and looked at Olivia with a hint of surprise. He did think she would show.

"It is Sunday. You asked me to dinner, I am here."

"Olivia, this is no way to talk to your father." Rowan said with mock hurt.

"Let me get your coat. You're going to love the wine I bought specifically for you."

Rowan laid out a roast with all the trimmings on the table and poured the wine.

"This is good." Said Olivia. "I don't think I have had this one before."

As they sat down to dinner, Rowan began to talk about his work at the Smithsonian. Olivia sat there and went through the motions by pretending to listen as her father rambled on about Pterodactyls, their flight patterns and their extinction. But really, Rowan was thinking about Jake's flight to Armenistan and the possibility of him being killed in action.

Rowan had felt for a while that Jake wanted out of B-613 and it made him very wary and very, very angry. Jake had asked him one time too many to assign orders to other agents instead of obediently doing what he was told. Rowan did not take kindly to what he considered insubordination and had threatened to put Jake in the dreaded hole at the Pentagon if he crossed him again.

Another thing that was bothering Rowan was that someone had downloaded top-secret files from at Wonderland. Those files could bring down B-613, obliterate the whole organization and land him in prison. Whoever had done the deed covered their tracks immaculately. Rowan had suspected that it was Jake but he would not make his move until he had concrete proof.

"Olivia, you might not believe me but I like Jake. I see a lot of myself in him.

You have to understand that he is a rare type of soldier with different sets of rules to life that will never be compatible what who you are." Rowan paused for a short while before continuing.

"What I am saying, Olivia is that Jake might not be the best partner for you. He is a loose cannon and he is very dangerous. You need someone a little more normal, if you don't mind me saying so."

"You are interfering, dad but if it makes you feel better, Jake and I are doing different things with our lives right now."

Rowan stared at his daughter and nodded but did not respond.

"Dad, You have been bringing up Jake in all our conversations of late. Why?"

"I am just looking out for you. Your happiness is everything to me," Rowan said as he got up and patted Olivia on the shoulders.

"You're wrong about Jake and you know it. I trust him with my life. You on the other hand…."

Olivia's phone rang midway through her sentence and she walked into the kitchen to take the call.

"Huck, stay in your truck and don't leave! I'll be right there."


	9. Chapter 9 - The Dream Is A Nightmare

**The Dream Is A Nightmare**

The flight attendant walked over to Jake and tapped him on the shoulder.

"You will want to get your stuff together, Captain Ballard. We are landing in a few minutes."

"Thank you."

Jake gathered his things and double-checked to make sure every piece of document that could compromise him was shredded.

The plane landed close to midnight and the base was uncharacteristically quiet even though there were soldiers milling about.

"Captain Jacob Ballard?" Jake turned around and walked towards the commanding officer who took him to a briefing room at the front of the base for a final strategy session with the rest of the team. He recognized a few faces he had worked with before and that made him more relaxed.

As soon as the session ended a Staff Sergeant took Jake to his quarters. He had eaten on the plane so he just wanted to get a few hours sleep before his 4AM call. He fell asleep almost immediately.

"_Imani, our tour ends in exactly two weeks and we'll be Stateside planning our wedding. Unbelievable, right?"_

"_Jake, I can't wait. It's all I think about." She said as she slipped into his arm and gave him a long deep kiss._

"_I have a bomb job tonight, Jake. I have to go. Love you."_

"_You're the top bomb expert on this base but be very careful, honey. You are my life and I want you to be safe."_

"_I will be careful, Captain." _

"_I love you, Imani." Jake smiled at her and gave her another hug and them she was out the door._

"_What! She can't be dead, I just held her in my arms a few minutes ago." _

"_I'm sorry Captain Ballard, there was a security breach outside the gate. I attended to her personally. We did everything we could but she's gone. They're all gone, all six of them." _

"_Sit down son," his commanding officer said. "I know you're hurting and what I'm about to tell you will hurt some more but you have to know. Imani was pregnant with your child." _

"_Give him a sedative. Something very strong…."_

Jake woke up flailing and awash in cold sweat. This was his first night back in Armenistan since the tragedy and it was happening.

He had not been haunted by that dream for a very long time. He had done everything he could to lock the memory away in the deep recesses of his subconscious but here it was stalking him again.

Jake took a deep breath and looked at his watch. It was only 2AM but he decided not to go back to bed; instead he opted to do some push-ups and try not to focus on the dream or the past.


	10. Chapter 10 - It is Going Down

**It Is Going Down**

It was 4:08AM and the three helicopters landed at the target site without a hitch, which was a surprise because the compound was supposed to be a fortress and they came prepared for a bloody showdown with the enemy.

The directive was to capture; not kill the prime targets if at all possible. Operation "Amazon-T3" was in full force and Jake was in his element as he gave his men the necessary signals and they fell into position. They knew the exact location of their targets thanks to their high-tech imaging devices.

Goshawk, the terrorist mastermind behind recently coordinated attacks on US interests in ten countries that caused massive amounts of lives and treasure sat huddled in a circle with his four most powerful and trusted lieutenants.

In a split second a gunfight ensued and the Team killed the initial ten guards they encountered without any casualties on their side.

As they advanced toward their targets the fighting got intense and in the end, Jake was shot in the arm, two of his men were shot in the abdomen while all the guards were killed. Goshawk and his band of terrorists tried to escape but were quickly apprehended and put in handcuffs. All their computers, listening devices and documents were seized.

As the terrorists were led away, a group of women and children appeared. They were crying and cursing but Jake spoke to them in their native tongue and finally got them to be quiet.

One of the women had a gun and started to fire at them but she was a bad shot and managed to get her right hand blown off. The Team had to move fast, so they locked the women and children in a heavily secured room, took the wounded woman and disappeared into the dawn.

Once they arrived at camp, an anonymous call was made to the local authorities and the women and children were taken into custody and questioned by local and American officials.

The injured were taken into surgery and were expected to live. Jake's injury was not life threatening but he was in a lot of pain. A medic took care of his wound, gave him medicine and he managed to make his full report. He was back on a plane to Washington, DC a day later and was accompanied by a doctor and nurse.

The high-stakes operation he conducted a few hours before did not faze him. What made him nervous was falling asleep and having that dream again. It was too painful for him to bear. He ignored the tiredness and the pain in his arm as he stared straight ahead wondering what he should do on a 21-hour flight.

Jake's thoughts drifted to Olivia and he wished he was going home to her. He would like nothing better than to put his head in her lap and have her run her hands through his hair and soothe him. He knew however, that that was a fantasy.

Jake opened his briefcase and pulled out his phone which he did not use since he arrived at the Base. He was handed a military issue phone and was advised to disconnect his own.

As he was scrolling through, he saw six messages from Olivia. He sensed panic in her final message and that made him very anxious. She had something very important to tell him but in person, she said. She was also worried that he might have been kidnapped or something more terrible had happened to him. He hated it when she was worried but he also liked that she cared so much about his well-being

"What could it be that Liv want's to tell me?" Jake wondered. He hoped it was something positive about their future. His mind drifted to the Island and suddenly he became very relaxed.


End file.
